I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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