i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
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Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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