At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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