Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
