Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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