how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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