He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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