Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
