Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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