I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
