One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
