I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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