What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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