So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
