My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
