He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
