when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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