I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
