i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
