i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
