I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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