would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
