She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
