My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
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In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
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Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize