I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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