I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
