I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
