It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
