Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
