Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
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