apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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