Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
