I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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