Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
my poor anus
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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