you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
