I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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