smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Redeem this text for a blowjob
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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