Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
