Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
