My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
