piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
