I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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