I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
