My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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