Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
