Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
