so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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