Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
