Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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