I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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