if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
