a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
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My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
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Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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