Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
