I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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