Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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