You can't special order awesome
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
